Award-winning actress and one of the TIME 100 most influential persons, Omotola
Jalade Ekeinde and her husband share their love story in a frank interview with
Punch. Below is a brief excerpt:
What was the initial
attraction?
Matthew: She was
beautiful, fresh and untouched. I decided to start with someone who
hadn’t seen the world yet.
When did you propose to
her?
Matthew: We didn’t court. I met her when she was 16 and I was 26. We
got married when she was 18. She clocked 36 recently. We were family friends and
I met her through my elder sister. She used to come around the house and when
she turned 18, I decided she was ripe. I told her I would marry her and she
didn’t believe. I went to tell her late mother, who said I should wait till
after four years because Tola had just gained admission to the university then.
I told the mother that I couldn’t wait because I didn’t trust the guys in the
university.
How can a woman have a successful
marriage?
Omotola: I don’t believe in
gender equality. I do not believe that God made man and woman to be equal in any
way. I believe that in every organised institution, there is always a head and
an assistant. It doesn’t mean that one should take the other for granted,
or disrespect the other. I believe the husband is the head of the home and the
wife is an assistant...
My husband is a pilot, I have
flown with him several times and I understood that there is a captain and a
co-pilot. They are both responsible for the passengers’ lives. But when there is
a final decision to make, it is up to the captain to make it. He is more
experienced and the one with the responsibility. But any mature captain will not
ignore his co-pilot because the co-pilot is not a cabin attendant. He is there
for a reason. It just depends on how you understand and play your
roles.
I believe women should understand this. When a woman starts a struggle for power tussle with him,
it tends to cause friction in the home. The woman should give the man the
respect as the head of the home and also prove herself as a worthy co-pilot. He
needs to see you as a reliable co-pilot. Sometimes, he may not be the one
running the house day-to-day, you are the one to take decisions but you have to
do it in such a manner that he is comfortable enough to see you as someone he
can rely on. When you have a proud and egocentric husband, hand him over to God.
If you feel like your life is being threatened, or that of your children, get
yourself out of that situation. You owe your children that. Try separation for a
while, but before that, you must have tried other things. I do not believe that
people should throw in the towel in their marriage at every flimsy excuse. You
must have been a diligent wife and tried prayers and intervention. If all those
fail, then you can remove yourself from that situation. Also, couples should be
friends and communicate. What we call love sometimes fizzles out. True love
comes from friendship. When you don’t feel those initial sparks, friendship is
what keeps you together, until when the spark comes again.
How do you feel when she plays romantic roles in
movies?
Matthew: They are all make-believe. They are not real and
most of her movies are pecks and not kisses. I told her not to cross that
boundary.
What are the secrets of your successful
marriage?
Matthew: It is God’s grace. We are disciplined and
prayerful.
Omotola: It has to be God. There is no other strategy.
One person can be perfect and the second person can be nasty. On our part, I’d
say also that we don’t look at the relationship as something we can walk away
from. We look at it as a life commitment. When you parents upset you, you cannot
divorce them. Even the bible says you will leave your father and your mother and
cleave to your spouse. Luckily, he doesn’t drink or smoke or abuse me. I don’t
have any major thing to complain about, and I hope it is the same thing for
him.
Do you quarrel?
Matthew: Yes we do. A lot. She is
very argumentative. She always wants to be right. You can never win an argument
with her. But she is the first to apologise.
Omotola: When there
is a quarrel, I usually apologise first. He doesn’t say sorry. Overtime, I have
come to realise that it is an ego problem. Even when he knows he is wrong, he
will rather do every other thing or buy things for me than say, ‘I’m sorry.’
Fortunately, the ‘sorrys’ are not too many. He is very responsible and more
hardworking than me. By God’s grace, we have been able to understand our
routine.
Do you still have time to cook?
Omotola: I cook
all the time. I love to cook. I don’t go to the market but I do the
cooking.
You go to the market for her?
Matthew: Yes and
I don’t feel bad doing it. I am not just doing it for her; I do it for the
family. I enjoy it a lot and I have been doing it since we got
married.
What pet names do you call each other?
Matthew:
I call her Omosexy.
Omotola: I call him Honey Boy
Do you see
this love lasting forever?
Omotola: Yes, though I’m not playing
God, I believe our love shall be forever.
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