Photos: Funny & Fabulous Funeral Wishes: Joan Rivers' Instructions In "I Hate Everybody....Starting With Me"

UPDATE

News:  Joan Rivers Funeral Planned, Memorial Service to Be Held at New York Jewish Temple

Joan Rivers, who died on Thursday at age 81, will be memorialized in a private funeral at a Reform Jewish synagogue in her native New York, E! News has learned.
The comedienne and host of E!'s Fashion Police, who broke barriers for female standup comics, passed away at a hospital in the city a week after suffering complications from throat surgery at a nearby clinic. She is survived by her daughter and frequent co-star Melissa Rivers and her 13-year-old son Cooper, Joan's only child and grandchild.
Joan's private funeral is scheduled to take place on Sunday, Sept. 7 at Temple Emanu-El in Manhattan, the synagogue's director's office said in a statement to E! News. The event is invitation-only and will not be open to the general public or the press.
Joan is the daughter of Russian Jewish immigrants and was born Joan Alexandra Molinsky in the New York City borough of Brooklyn in 1933. Temple Emanu-El, now led by Rabbi Joshua M. Davidson, was established in 1845 and was the first Reform Jewish congregation in New York City. It is also the largest in the world.
The comedienne had often joked about her death and had also said in a July interview with The Daily Beast that she wanted to be cremated. In her 2012 book I Hate Everyone ... Starting With Me, she said she wanted her funeral "to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action."
"I want Craft services," she added. "I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way."
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We lost a wonderful voice in the entertainment and comedic world, as Joan Rivers has sadly passed away at the age of 81. And even though she had been on life support for a few days before she died, we still felt unprepared for the loss.
But Joan had been prepared for this day for a while, apparently, because she left specific and hilarious instructions for her funeral service in her book, I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me, published in 2012.
And though we are mourning, we are taking the lead from Melissa Rivers, who said after Joan's passing that her mom's "greatest joy in life" was to make people laugh, and that her final wish would be to "return to laughing soon."
And with that sentiment in mind, we are returning to the laughter that Joan so deeply loved with her requests for her funeral, and they are as outrageous and as Joan Rivers-y as you would expect:
1. Melissa Rivers gets it all.

"When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything's in your name)…"
2. She wants her funeral to be an event.

"I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action. I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way."
3. No rabbis. Only Meryl.

"I don't want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents."
4. Feel free to use her as a prop.

"I don't want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing 'Mr. Lonely.'"
5. It's all about fashion to the very end.

"I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag."
6. Finally, it always comes back toBeyoncé.

"And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing like Beyoncé's."
Rest in peace, Joan. And here's hoping you get everything you want for your funeral and then some.